20050512
// let me die.whenevr im dng smthng so wholeheartedly, why is the result always zero?family, friendship, relationship, EVRYTHNG.who does it happen at this time.forget it-cause nobody rally understands me.how many can share with me ma sadness when i kno ma maths results tdy.tried so hard and i gave ma best shot.begged ma mom so hard ta let me amaths tuition.studied so hard this yr till late at night almost evrydae.yet wht im giving her are all false hopes and disappointment.tests kept retaking, still whts the use.MOM, IM SORRY.no matter how hard i try or how much i practised, am i not gng ta do well.netball or table tennis ;i played it well and gave it all out.yet im still looked upon as small frys in the coaches eyes.i thought i had a teacher who knos me well.still, nobody knos how useless i am whenevr i hold tht bat.evrydae when i come hme, peace is nvr a fact.im sharing ma burden with ma mom as e eldest daughter in e family.i cant help feeling sinful whenevr she asks me abt ma dad.ma sis, totally climbing ovr all our heads.whts respect- i guess she don evn kno.i feel so hurt evrythng i looked into tht pair eyes filled with full of hatred.evrydae, im gng thru all these.till now, jus tht all long ive been keeping it in ma heart.facing it bravely with a smirk.but suddenly, i recieved a bomb tdy.shldn sae much cause ive written earlier whts gng on.BUT-whe can i find you when i need someone ta share with me ma sadness.whe can i?who is tht somebody who is gng ta hugg me when i cry.whe are you when i needed you most.i cant stopp maself from crying writing this entry.in this helpless situation, whe is tht hand who is gng ta pull me up.in ma eyes-i see nobody.i think of you, and wished so much tht u will be here ta giv me a hug.but im jus dae dreaming. wishful thinking.in ma mind-i think of nobody but you.in ma heart-its preoccupied with nobody but you.wht i put in most, its jus nth else but evrythng between me and you.in the end; well-im rally no longer fearful of death.cause im jus thinking perhaps dying might be e best solution.i wld rather be in hell rather than facing so many thngs.whts happening nxt, i rally donno.stab me right in ma heart, im gutless.all i do is sigh ta make maself feel better.call me a coward.i need you
// follow ur instincts. believe in GOD.
impossible is nothing. do not admit defeat;
jasmin // 7:48:00 PM
